Junior year
I said this last year and boy, was I naive! Yes last year was filled with self-doubt but it was no where near the pressure and self-doubt that I felt this year. Second semester was one THE most stressful times in my life, the emotional roller coaster that I went through was turbulent. One week feeling as if I had everything under control and the next week, feeling like I dropped the ball completely. With that being said, here are a few lessons that I learned.
Lessons Learned
Future Plans
Lessons Learned
- Resilience. This year was hands down not my year. The lows that I felt throughout the year were some of the worst lows that I have ever experienced in my life. There was an immense amount of pressure on my shoulders to succeed and everyday, I felt like I was not going to uphold it. I felt like I was not ready or smart enough or totally incapable. I sacrificed my mental health and told myself everyday that I could take care of myself once the MCAT was over and I pushed myself basically to the brink. I questioned everything and myself, "was I really meant for this? what if I don't make it to medical school?" At the end of the day, I learned to take one day at a time and I built a wall to my emotions. Second semester was hard, I took fewer credits in hopes of studying for MCAT but the classes I ended up taking were in no way easy. I tried to balance studying for the MCAT and keeping up classes and I physically couldn't do it, I dropped the ball on both and was unable to bring it up. I learned my capacity and how much I could take on at one time, which is a very important lesson to learn.
- MCAT. One of THE biggest, most life-determining exam that I have ever needed to endure. The reason for the tremendous amount of self-doubt, pressure, breakdowns, and sleepless nights. I brushed it off when people older than me told me that it was a brutal exam, thinking, "oh, it's fine! I totally have this." I should've listened...it is definitely one of the most brutal times. There is so much that is dependent on this one exam, it's genuinely scary. It's nerve-wracking to even think about it. I was so scared of disappointing my parents if i didn't do well on this exam especially since I wasn't doing so well when I first started studying for it. I felt like everyone around me was doing well and I was just completely incapable of leveling up. It was discouraging to say the least especially when advisors and professors were telling me that I probably won't make it to medical school because my score on practice exams was low. I was terrible but the phrase "haters are my motivators" never rang more true. People telling me that I couldn't make it, pushed me to succeed even more. I pushed my MCAT back to give myself more time to study and as my score slowly rises, I came to realize that I am capable and if I set my mind to it, I can do it!
- Look Out For Yourself. I learned this the hard way this year. Everyone is trying to get to the same place and it genuinely is a competition. No one is really looking out for you well-being so you have to look out for yourself. There were people in my life this year who I thought would be there for me but it turned out that they weren't and it was hard to come to this realization but I remembered the lesson I learned freshman year, some friends exit your life to make room for better friends and this could not be more true. As soon as I distanced myself from the people who weren't there for me, people who actually cared entered my life, people who were genuine and cared for my well-being and even though it took three years, these will be the people who are there for me much down the line.
Future Plans
- Take Care of Myself. I told myself this last year and obviously I did not hold true to it, so it is now my first priority. Self-care is important and I will work very hard to take care of myself and remind myself of the good things.
- Take a Break Once in a While. I am the worst at this. I genuinely don't know how to take a break. Every time I am taking a break, I feel like I need to be doing something and feel like I'm not achieving or growing if I am not consistently doing something. So for next year, I aim to train myself to be able to remove myself from these thoughts.
- Believe in Myself. Biggest takeaway from this year. I need to believe in myself because if I don't who will?